Happy Halloweendows! Top 6 Terrifying Window Displays

Email To Friend | Posted by John in Window Replacement.

Let’s face it, Halloween dominates American holidays. Much to the chagrin of Santa and his Elves, a growing number of freaks and geeks now spend more money on the night of All Hallows Eve than they do on Christmas, a sad fact that has to make the Baby Jesus cry. For some 24/7 Goths and part-time Twilighters, Halloween is just amateur night, but since they can only find jobs at the mall looking like Marilyn Manson, they’re allowed to vent their pent-up, creative angst through bizarre store window displays every Halloween with the expressed purpose of scaring the living daylights out of our children. And after all, isn’t that what the spirit of Halloween is all about?

Warning! Ghoulish Halloween content ahead!

#1 – Marc Jacobs, You Are Scaring My Kids!

Mark Jacobs ghoulish window replacement.

Scary ass clowns.

Parents complaining about an “Insane Clown Massacre” window display at the Marc by Marc Jacobs store in Bucktown sounded promising, so upon further investigation, this reporter can confirm once and for all, that yes, clowns are still scary, especially at this classically gruesome display featuring a dozen blood-spattered clowns in various states of dastardly dismemberment. The Mommy-blogger who snapped this photo complained that the display caused her five-year-old to ask, “Mommy, why is that clown holding another clown’s head in his hand?” Ah, kids say the cutest things.

#2 – Bedtime Stories

Mummies reading in a window should not be this scary.

Your average bookstore isn’t a very frightening place, but what about those small, cluttered used bookstores with that creepy, moldy book smell and the old guy at the front? Picture yourself deep in the stacks browsing in the historical fiction section and suddenly the old guy sneaks up behind you and in a voice like Vincent Price, inquires, “Can I help you find something?” Whoa Dude. Now imagine a rather relaxed mummy with designer eyeglasses just sitting there reading a book, paying you no mind. Shouldn’t he be trying to curse you with ancient Egyptian magic? Maybe mummies have just been given a bad wrap.

#3 – Yipes!

Rosie O'Donnel or Darrel Hammond?

Is that Rosie O’Donnell on the left? This isn’t gruesome, per se, but it makes me feel unhappy things.

#4 – Little Shop Window of Horrors

Bloody dentist in the window!

West Hollywood holds one of the biggest and wildest Halloween street parades in the country. If you’ve never been, it’s one hell of a party no matter if you’re gay, straight or just slightly bent. The businesses of West Hollywood play a game of window display chicken, each pushing the other to new limits of tasteful tastelessness and campy depravity. A WeHo men’s boutique called the Los Angeles Sporting Club took the bloody gold medal home with this gory tribute to Little Shop of Horrors, created by LA window designer Christian Morrisette. I could explain the scene in the movie where Steve Martin goes to the dentist but, hey, you know the drill.

#5 – Halloween for Dummies

Next to decapitated clowns, there’s nothing as creepy as the dreaded naked mannequin. These collections of windows bravely compiled by blogger Peggy Wang are truly terrifying. Glimpse the dark side… if you dare.
Scarier children than the Osbournes.
Some very irate children

For all your Harry Potter role playing fantasies

The icing on the kink

#6 – Pumpkin-On-Pumpkin Violence

Pumpkin-heads criticizing bone-heads? This window makes sense.

Not sure if this disturbing Halloween window display is trying to make some sort of statement protesting harsh interrogation techniques of the Bush administration, or if it’s simply a manifestation of an overwhelming hatred toward the general pumpkin head community, but it certainly gets your attention. Not sure what this store sells, but if you’re ever in Brooklyn, New York, this place can meet all your last-minute military uniform, hay bale, noose and evil pumpkin head needs.

Runner-up Window Pick

It's like a Lindsey Lohan party. On a Tuesday though, not Halloween.

For over 65 years, Cliff’s Variety has been an anchor on the kinetic streets of San Francisco’s Castro District and is quite possibly the coolest little old hardware store anywhere. Their slogan, “From tiaras to tape measures,” means you’re bound to find it at Cliff’s Variety. With over 65,000 items packed into their little store front, it’s like a one-stop scavenger hunt and minutes can turn into hours of browsing if you aren’t careful. This Halloween window display is classic Cliff’s: An Alien warrior party animal alongside a sexy vampire chick, and of course, rounding out the ghastly trio, a large, ferocious, man-eating chicken. The man-eating thing is just a speculation on my part, but I think it’s a fairly educated guess.

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